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18 of the most disturbingly absurd Sunday Sport headlines
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Someone’s bellend always ends up in a shocking state
When they revealed the true dangers of children’s accessory trends
And who we’re REALLY gorging on chow mein next to at our favourite all you can eat Chinese
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Proving that Brian May doesn’t know what he’s talking about when he says don’t cull badgers, because they’re eating too many of our sex dwarfs
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Erm…and the same for otters
When they uncovered the sex fiends roaming our supermarkets, keeping us safe from getting an eyeful of penis
Their lifestyle news is groundbreaking, educating us about which Labour MP lookalike bouncers you shouldn’t mess with
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They weren’t afraid to talk about the decline of our education system and the lengths that kids would go through to not shit sit exams
Frankly we just feel safer knowing they’re out there getting scum like this off the streets
They’ve put your worries about the afterlife to rest
Because it’s most definitely real and all the greats are there
They’ve shown us what amazing feats humans can accomplish if they just put their minds to it
And they revealed the terrors of travelling abroad that you never even realised could happen
Thanks Sunday Sport for showing us that OAPs aren’t as defenseless and weak as the mainstream media would have us believe
And well done for revealing another perverted children’s entertainment star
That time they revealed how cruel this country could be
But how beautiful it can also be
Thank God for the Sunday Sport
Because regular news is shit and we need them more than ever
